a day of lasts

so today is a day of lasts.

it's my last full day in brantford. my last time on the bus. the last sleep in this bed. the last time i'll walk to the store and back. the last time i'll go to the library. the last of it all.

there's a blanket of sadness. my experience here has been cold and broken but not without moments of joy when i chose to focus on something else.

glad that school is out and i'm on to something else. going home to vancouver is a relief. there is a thing here that is unresovled. so there's nothing left to do but dissolve it and leave it be.

walking away is the easy part. walking away without tears the hard part.

so whatever this was, i'll drink a cup of tea in quiet contemplation.

cheers.

2 more sleeps

so i've got 2 more sleeps and then i'll be placing my head on my pillow!!!

yay, can't wait.

exams were a blur. i don't really remember them. i just know that i was the first one to get up and hand it in. and it was written excessively fast. i had a huge rush of adrenaline and my mind was a buzz. read the question, wrote down the answer, messily. for my sensory awareness exam, 10 minutes and i was up and out of there. other people took about an hour to write so...eeks? shrug.

growth and development, i took 40 minutes, others took an hour and a half to 2 hours.

adaptive techniques, about 15 minutes, others took an hour.

you get the idea. the only one i'm iffy in is probably the growth and development exam. i skipped the last week of lectures so i didn't know the material well. the prof also asked some pretty obscure questions from guest speakers so i don't know how i did.

the college will be calling people on wednesday, the day of my flight, to tell them if there are rewrites to be written. i don't think i'll have to travel all the way back for them if i had to do a rewrite...but you never know.

i don't ever want to come back to this here hell town. ha. so fingers double-crossed that i didn't fail anything.

so all my classmates have left. there's no one left here except my sick friend ed and he has no time for me. so i've been left to dawdle all on my own.

i must admit it is quite lonely out here. strange strange. i thought i'd enjoy the solitude and i think i would if it weren't so uncomfortable.

so packing is going well and quickly. there isn't a lot to pack but the items are heavy. for example, all my books and papers, my computer and all my clothes and shoes. at some point, i've had to abandon my school supplies to my landlord and his family which is fine. can't be bothered to lug the stuff around anyway and i have a tonne of it as it is.

i have yet to empty out my desk drawers...i should go do that now.

i'm going to clean my room, the bathroom and the kitchen before i leave. my mother's friend is going to pick me up at 1:30 in the afternoon on wednesday to drop me off at the airport. my flight is at 6pm and i land in vancouver at 8pm.

i think i'm going to go around and take some pictures of places i've been today or tomorrow, return my library books and take a nap. that's the plan.

so that's me from brantford. this will most likely be my last post. whee.

THE END

6 exams in 3 days

so i'm on the eve of 6 exams in 3 days. i've read over my notes and made some cue cards up but to be honest, my heart isn't in it. i don't much care for school anymore. i skipped the last 3 days of lectures and i won't be going to my placement in toronto this coming thursday. again, can't be bothered.

my supervisor in toronto is a cool guy and we get along splendidly and he was visibly disappointed when i told him on thursday that i wouldn't make it in but he understood.

i gave him a card and a box of chocolates. he gave me a hug. i'll miss him.

as for my room and packing...nothing has found its way to a bag. clutter is still lying around. even with the small amount of stuff i have here compared to vancouver, i'm still dealing with cascading papers and strewn receipts and office supplies abound. if something should fall to the floor, well...it stays there until i have use for it. my clothes sit in a small mound on my chair.

i've got a few things to do here and there before i head out but nothing sentimental a lot of it practical.

so 10 more sleeps until i'm in vancouver.

yay for me.

neglect

i guess i've been neglecting this blog.

there isn't much to tell really. because the mundane is really mundane.

here's a rundown of my week.

i get up monday to wednesdays and go to class. as of late, i've been leaving class more often. i'm restless and bored. my notes are disorganized. it's all on loose leaf paper that gets tucked into my school bag. i'll organize them for review as exams come closer. but this term all the courses only require a 60% to pass so i'm really indifferent about school.

wednesday nights i ride into toronto and stay at my friend marc's apartment. i sleep on the couch. i dread the car ride to toronto because we leave after class and hit the road at about 4:30 so by the time we get to toronto we're sitting in traffic and it's dire. we might get to the outskirts of toronto in half an hour but we end up sitting in 1.5 to 2 hours of traffic trying to get to the other side of the city to drop natasha off. it's exhausting and incredibly annoying. the ride back thursday after my practicum day is about the same. just an annoyance all around and thomas, nat and i are all really quiet in the car back. we hate it with a passion. the first couple of weeks were ok, we talked but now, it's like why bother. it just sucks all round.

thursday, i work with clients in the community. it's a lot different working with adults and seniors than it is with kids in school but i am grateful for the experience because a lot of these people are losing their vision later in life, their at different stages of grief and acceptance and it's interesting to see how they cope and they're attitudes towards travelling indpendently.

my practicum superviser has been great. he's really relaxed and has confidence in me. i enjoy my time with him. he challenges me a lot and i love that. keeps me on my toes.

then there's fridays. booo. i have one 2 hour class in the morning and then that's my day. i've been tempted to skip that class because, well, it's a waste of a morning really. but i have been good. i show up and doodle.

saturdays i spend at home in front of my computer. i've taken to taking walks in the cold for an hour or two. or walking to downtown (1 hour) and taking the bus to the mall and wandering for a couple of hours and then riding home on the bus. going to the library has been good too.

sundays, i walk (40 mins.) or take a dial-a-bus (bus on request) to church. or a i skip church once in awhile and do personal devotional time. then the rest of the day is spent in bed or in front of the computer.

so that's me in brantford this year so far. only 30 more days of this. 4 more weeks of this and i'm home to vancouver in time for cherry blossoms.

yay.

home for now

i'm home in vancouver now and won't be updating this blog until i get back in the new year.

my flight was dire. a crying baby was sitting in the row in front of mine and was wailing most of the way home.

i sat by the window and stared out over the wing of the plane. when we took off from hamilton, it was snowing/raining so it was neat to see the rain moving sideways. i listened to my MD player and slept some.

flew in from the west into vancouver which was trippy. was expecting to be coming in from the east.

anywho, was relieved to see my family. i've been sleeping well these days in my own bed. i love it, i love it.

3 exams in 3 days

ok, so talk about information overload. this was a full week.

yuck.

monday - in toronto for a subway lesson. but wouldn't you know it, flurries for the morning commute. i had my weekend gear with me and i had to get on the bus in the morning rush. people looked at me with murder in their eyes as were packed tight in the bus heading for the subway. the subway train was no fun either. i played some cell phone tag with christal. i text messaged her to tell her was i late. i was really sore and overheated having had all my winter gear on and then riding on a heated bus with everybody else's body heat. i had a massive headache.
karen the instructor was late. but we ended up being the only group that made it there in the morning. we ended early. it was a good lesson after all that drama.

tuesday: spl. student plan lesson on the bus in brantford. my lesson went well. i was partnered with thomas. my not so favourite partner. he drives. he had no idea about how the bus system worked in brantford. so for his lesson, he rushed me and panicked. imagine this. i'm blindfolded. i'm in an unfamiliar environment. i have to go catch a bus that's returning to the terminal. but get this, thomas doesn't even know where the bus stop is. so we walk sighted guide for 5 blocks in the pouring rain! no big deal because i'm being guided but because it was an unexpected walk, the time it took meant the buses were fast approaching. the bus stop thomas finally found was kitty corner to the one that i was standing on. we had to make 2 street crossings and apparently the bus was there already. he managed to wave it down so it was waiting for me. he didn't line me up with the door and the sound clue that i would have used (the door opening) was unavailable to me. i was panicked. i didn't have my pass ready. arg. he told me that my bus had arrived so i thought it was my good ol' kneeling bus with one step up. turned out it wasn't. the bus had 3 steps. it was old school. i cleared the first step with my cane and went to take the next step forward not up and i wiped out. i banged my knee hard on the step. my cane went flying. i was hurt and embarrassed. thomas didn't check to make sure i was ok. neither did my instructor. i found the seat closest to the driver. the driver was good to me. he was humerous. he said that it had been years since a woman had fallen for him. hahaha. i kept it together until i got back to the terminal. i started to cry afterwards. i had murder in my eyes. i hated the entire experience. thomas wasn't sensitive at all. so i'm sore and i get sorer. i take an advil or 3 and take a nap. i feel way better.

then it's the start of exams. wednesday, thursday and friday. line 'em up and shoot us. it was brutal. i studied for the first 2 but this last one i just didn't bother. the first 2 were harder exams because the pass for those exams are 70%. this last one only needed a 60% for a pass. there was one question i was stumped on but instead of sitting there and thinking about it i just handed the exam in. i didn't care.

i'm frustrated because i've been told that i have to attend a growth and development class in january. i've taken this course already. i'm rolling my eyes and i'm resenting it so much! the thing that i HATE about this program is that they don't honour prior learning. i've done this course at the masters level. hello. college, university. which wins out? duh. this stinks and i'm not happy at all about this. i'm thinking about just taking the exam and getting it over with. i don't want to do it.

grrrr.

anywho, all my bags are packed and i'm leaving on a jet plane on sunday night. vancity here i come. i'm soooo super excited. i can't tell you. i've been dreaming about home these passed couple of nights. i can't wait.

tomorrow is ed's party. whee. should be fun. it's going to be relaxing. hehehehe. ok i'm out. i have stuff to do. no not really. just sleep.

parking lot nightmare

so it dumped rain today. i was drenched. my gortex was saturated! yuck. we learned how to teach railroad crossings in the rain and we all rushed it.

i had my drop off today. they blindfold you, drive you around in circles and drop you off, give you a target and you go putting along with your white cane.

i nailed my last one but today...i got lost in a parking lot, rather it was 3 adjoining ones. i ended up being so frustrated, i thought i was going to quit. i didn't cry but i wanted to scream. when i got out i was able to find my way and got to my target. my instructor was impressed with the recovery but i wasn't at all wanting to talk about it. i just wanted out. so my frame of mind is one that is stuck in this frustration. i'm feeling unmotivated. i want to go to sleep. that's it that's all.

should start studying for exams coming up next week, yeah right. yeah...ick.

going to bed instead. good plan.

snow squalls are expected for tomorrow. i asked and they thought it amusing. it's snow with huge gusts of wind. it's forecasted for tomorrow and ed's coming to pick me up. whee.